Desperate to Find Acceptance

Desperate to Find Acceptance

My wife and I are liberal people. We are not homophobic or transphobic. If all that being transgender led to was being called a different name and pronouns then we would have no problem allowing our child to explore her identity. However, in the current climate, our daughter and her friends understand transgender as an innate condition that a person is born with and that can only be treated with hormone therapy and radical surgeries which have irreversible consequences. There is no discussion of a teen possibly misunderstanding their feelings (like every teen in the history of teenagers has done) and no discussion of the long-term effects.

College Transformation

College Transformation

In the fall of 2018, she turned 21, and gave us a letter telling us she was transgender, and that if we couldn’t accept it she would simply “leave.” She knew we wouldn’t accept it, and we begged her to come home and go to counseling. We told her we would not continue paying for college while she was pretending to be a boy. So she dropped out of college, and left the state with a transgender girl she met online.

A Childhood Obscured  

A Childhood Obscured   

Ana had a 4-year old son when I met her and I had no issues with that.  Then I learned that this child’s other mother had declared to the world that he was female at the age of three.  At first, I couldn’t fathom that it was anything so terrible.  Our green city was hip after all, and the environment with which to raise children was considered excellent. 

Then, I met little Paulo and my coherent, liberal, confident mind was instantly rattled.  This was no transgender girl.

A Death with No Funeral

A Death with No Funeral

His trans insanity has destroyed us. My husband is 72 and reduced to tears that if he "slips" and uses the "wrong" pronouns, he is severely chastised. He deals with the loss of our sons by not talking about it.

The trans insanity is destroying my marriage. I am terrified of losing everyone and everything I love. I feel totally alone, isolated.

My best friend -- a social worker -- dropped me after 45 years of friendship, for my refusal to CELEBRATE losing my son. I have nowhere to turn, no one to talk to about this.

I have seriously considered suicide rather than deal with the pain and insanity of losing BOTH my sons. My worst nightmare has always been losing my children.

Back from the Brink

Back from the Brink

I found a psychologist in a community two hours away that listed “gender disorders” as one of her specialties. At the first meeting, after only five minutes of talking to our daughter privately, the therapist informed us that transgender is no big deal. She said it was easy for girls to become boys. “Just start wearing cargo pants and wear your hat backwards.” She also said all teenagers sleep with everybody regardless of sex nowadays, anyway. And, “Any day that your kid is still alive is a good day.“

Emotional Issues + Internet => Transition

Emotional Issues + Internet => Transition

At some point during 7th grade she renamed herself Jake online, which I only discovered following an endless online chain. At the end of 7th grade she entered a partial hospitalization program for severe depression, anxiety and cutting. It was then that we became more aware of her transgender thinking.

She withdrew from her friends and family over a period of a year and a half. Over time, many more connections were made online with incredibly dysfunctional people. In seventh grade, she became engrossed in the online world far more than we were aware.

She can still only recite what I consider the online mantra of explanation of being transgender. Her tolerance for any other views is limited.

From Pan to Trans in Three Months

From Pan to Trans in Three Months

A year ago, when our teen was 14, she told me she was pansexual. This announcement came shortly after joining the middle school Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) as an "ally". Fast forward 3 months and she tells us she is a trans female-to-male (FTM).  There were no signs at all until that day when she came out as pansexual.

We had agreed to let her see an endocrinologist after six months of therapy, but the therapist neglected to tell us that this meant instant hormones.

Affirming Leah

Affirming Leah

The therapist advised that I should work towards accepting my “gender variant” kid as they are, and she could help me with that. I blindly thanked her for the advice, assuming she was the expert. I eagerly participated in joint talk therapy sessions. I willingly discussed gender topics with Leah and listened to her feelings with an open mind. I made efforts to use her pronouns, and embraced her new name. I researched and learned from trans-identifying individuals, especially autistics, most part of the “neurodiversity” movement. I helped her pick out clothes that felt comfortable to her. I covered the mirror when she showered so she wouldn’t have to see her body. My daughter was seemingly happier, her anxiety level had decreased, and she was able to trust me and have a close, loving relationship with me again. I decided that maybe the therapist was right: this radical “acceptance” really was key to improving our relationship.

Nina

Nina

Nina has been going to a therapist near the college for 2 years as well. She asked us to come to therapy with this therapist last week, which we did. It's obvious to me that this therapist never challenged her on this path.

Nina now wants to do top surgery which my husband and I are really, really opposed to. The therapist seems to be backing Nina's decision, which I feel is absolutely criminal. The therapist also said that Nina would go ahead with this without our support, implying that we were abandoning her.

Trying to Fit In

Trying to Fit In

She obsessed about her looks and image. Beginning junior high, she was determined to fit in with the popular kids, until she decided the girls in this group were mean. She then joined the "misfit" group, took on a new style of clothing, and adopted a strange adoration for phobias and disorders. Her eating disorder worsened, and she was online much too often, where she was exposed to unwelcome sexual advances, porn, boys sending her dick pics, etc. She started isolating herself from friends, chatting with boys online and spiraled into deep depression and self-harm.

Limiting the phone became a power struggle and she began to self-harm to manipulate us into having her phone. She has been in treatment for her eating disorder and seems disturbingly all too comfortable with being "disordered."

Do You Have ASD? Transition!

Do You Have ASD? Transition!

She has Asperger’s, now termed autism spectrum disorder (ASD). She has always been “high functioning”.

She is so caught up in this she has herself thinking that she was always trans. She tells us she was always trans because she didn’t like pink frilly things or dresses. She has always had sensory issues with clothing but never wanted male clothes. Never did she say she was a boy or wanted to be. I have yet to find a professional that would consider her diagnosis of ASD to possibly be driving this.

Why can’t we accept our children the way they are?

Why can’t we accept our children the way they are?

We haven’t had any communication with her for two years. I could write about the emotional impact this has on our family, especially on her younger brother, who is heartbroken and must keep this whole story a secret or face death threats…

A few years after my daughter’s declaration, I finally moved her bin of dolls and their clothes to the basement, even though they will smell a little musty when she finally comes back. At first, I had tried to go along with the transgender thing, despite the bin of Groovy Girls…

From Depression to Trans in Just Two Visits

From Depression to Trans in Just Two Visits

“Please wake up! Please wake up!” I wish I could scream that to my daughter some days. 

I am desperate. My 14 year old daughter just told me that she is trans. These past weeks have felt like a hundred years.

Before this happened we went to see a therapist because of her depression. She had been bullied for years, and witnessed my horrible divorce from her abusive father.  After two visits with the therapist she told me that she is really a boy.

Soul Searching

Soul Searching

Having been a far left progressive my entire life, a bisexual who married another woman before it was legal, I had not given much thought to the recent widespread emergence of trans activism and acceptance other than to think, fantastic, another group gaining civil rights. I vaguely wondered why there were so many trans kids when I had never before heard of this phenomenon in childhood, but I assumed increased visibility came from decreased stigma. I was confident that rigorous psychiatric evaluation must precede any gender reassignment procedures, to address any confounding issues. I celebrated people being accepted for who they are. LGBTQ is my tribe, and social justice is my religion.

A Broken Family

A Broken Family

My eldest daughter Sophie turns 21 in a few weeks  and our family is nothing like I imagined and hoped it would be one the day that she was born.

We have had no contact with Sophie for over a year. She is due to finish her course this summer, but I have heard that she's had difficulties with her studies, even though she had previously been a grade A student. 

I've recently learnt through a family member that Sophie has an appointment to discuss surgical transition into a transgender male.

A Different Kind of Gender Dysphoria

A Different Kind of Gender Dysphoria

I guess I was lucky that all of this started years ago. Today my son probably would have declared his transgender identity at an earlier age and might have requested surgery. In my ignorance I may have gone along with it. My heart goes out to those parents who are living this nightmare and are being forced to participate in this hideous social experiment. I’ve cried reading these letters and I can’t even imagine having my child taken from me. 

My Beautiful Dancer

My Beautiful Dancer

She had dreams of becoming a professional dancer and she had the talent to do it.  Now, she has traded hours of dance training for hours of seclusion...exchanged her pointe shoes for a chest binder, her ballerina bun for a buzz cut.

The powerlessness is the worst part of this nightmare.  I work and work and think and think.  I have run out of words and ideas and theories and angles.  There is nothing left but a paralyzing powerlessness.  Nothing left to do or say.  Just sit and feel.

Olivia, Age 16

Olivia, Age 16

All the kids in the new school already had their cliques, and weren’t open to her, but there was one group that was willing to welcome newcomers, and that was the QSA kids. They were nice, smart kids, who were all a little quirky, and I was grateful that they were welcoming of Liv, but I noticed that they all seem to have created these micro-identities. For example, one girl called herself a demi-boy aromantic. They all seemed preoccupied with identity and presentation. Shortly after becoming friends with them, Liv cut her hair and dyed it pink. I saw this as normal teen exploration at this point. I was uneasy about how preoccupied she and her friends were with these issues.