Our daughter attended a local Christian school from Pre-K3 through fifth grade. Smart and
rebellious, the principal eventually informed us that their school “wasn’t the best place for her.”
So, we sent her to the highly rated middle school in town. I’ve always believed that our strong-
willed daughter would one day either rule the world…or blow it up. I thought that, like her
brother before her, she would not bow to peer pressure or forsake her faith in a public school
setting. And it started out that way at least.
Then some kids at the public school began to make fun of her for being a Christian and for being
overweight. Some kid mockingly asked her if she was going to bring her Bible to school the next
day. A girl called her fat, and my 11-year-old rebel shot back, “At least I can fill out a bra!”
It was March 21, 2021. My husband and I had just returned from celebrating our 25th wedding
anniversary. While away, we naively chatted about how life had finally stopped kicking us when
we were down. Our finances, health and mental health had improved.
Shortly after our return home, I sensed that our daughter was out of sorts, so I asked her to go on
a walk. Brushing aside her annoyance at the sunshine dappling her black Vans, she exuded a
resolute intensity that did not bode well. At first, she informed me that she was “pansexual”.
Violently repressing my urge to freak out, I calmly asked her what that meant. As a 12-year-old,
she had never even been kissed, so I was confused. “I love everyone, no matter how they
identify,” she replied. OK…I still had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Then she blurted
out, “I’m gay!”
“Well,” I said, “You know that we love you no matter what and loving someone doesn’t mean
you agree with them. Jesus hung out with many people with whom He disagreed.” Inside my
mind, alarm bells, red flags, and a few white surrender flags filled my thoughts.
Little did we know that our lives were about to be burned to the ground for years. It turned out to
be the worst day of my life. Worse than when my dad died, worse than two miscarriages, and
worse than having Covid and strep throat at the same time.
Apparently, her little ego became so beat down that she decided to flip the switch and become
bulletproof. How does a middle schooler achieve this status? By identifying as trans. In seventh
grade, our “pink, ponies, and princess” girl descended into a pit of self-loathing and lies. The
first week of eighth grade, she handed a note to each teacher listing her name (a gender-neutral
name) and her pronouns (he/they?). She proudly jumped out of the transphobic cisgender closet,
feeling special and edgy. In her limited understanding of life, her strategy seemed to be working.
Although she won’t admit it yet, I believe being bullied was a catalyst for the chaos that ensued.
Over the next few months, she decided she was actually a trans male. If the way our culture
brainwashes vulnerable children weren’t so tragic, it would be laughable. I understand how kids
who have always felt gender dysphoric could be confused about their gender. However, our
daughter was all “My Little Pony, Disney princess, pink everything” since the day she realized
she was a girl. In fact, our daughter had always acted more feminine than me, and I’m not a
tomboy. She loved wearing dresses and would never let me cut her thick brown locks. To this
day, she squeals at spiders, detests sports and the outdoors, and cries at sad movies.
This pink-loving pony person was telling me that she’s a guy. “Wait,” I protested, “aren’t you
always saying how this or that guy (heterosexual, mind you) is hot?” Do you know what her
answer was? My poor little propagandized daughter? “I’m a gay trans male.”
Modern culture doesn’t care about common sense. It has trampled both it and science underfoot.
I found out that the world out there is not benevolent or neutral towards our children. A large part
of parenting is protecting your child. From what? From being brainwashed with lies and
distorted definitions. It’s also about protecting those munchkins from themselves. And they will
hate you for it.
In the four years following her surprise disclosure, our beautiful child has parroted pat phrases
like, “Satan respects my pronouns” and “Transwomen are women.” She has bought into new
definitions of normal English words like “love”, “support”, and “acceptance.” I quickly learned
that “love” means “agree with whatever harmful agenda your child says” and that “support”
means to blindly tow the LGBTQ+ line even if it involves removing functioning body parts and
taking cross-sex hormones.
Due to self-harm and threats of suicide, we needed to send our daughter to an in-patient center
for a whole year to keep her safe. Although she was livid with us when we dropped her off, she
returned a more mature, kinder person (although she still won’t admit she’s a girl). She now
understands that you can love someone without agreeing with them. Shocking concept.
After completing eighth grade at the in-patient center, our daughter insisted that we send her to
the “affirming” public high school near us. We gently explained that we did not believe it was
mentally healthy for her to attend a school where dysphoria is encouraged and where they would
act as though she were a male. We had already encountered problems with our adolescent
daughter using public men’s bathrooms. We felt we needed to extricate her from the social
contagion of her friends from middle school. Suddenly, four out of five of her female friends no longer identified as cisgender. Their new gender identities were reinforced with praise and
special privileges.
Our daughter is 16 now. We are “thankful” that her confusion began at age 12 when she was still
in our care. She has attended a healthy Christian high school for three years. Since day one,
everyone there has known that no matter how short her hair, she is female. There are no gender
neutral bathrooms. In Bible class, teachers reinforce that God creates each child with a purpose
and He doesn’t make mistakes. She’s not out of the woods yet, but she is no longer trying to
“pass” for a guy. She wears earrings again and is involved in theater at school. We have a good
relationship with her. She hugs and us tells us she loves us. She no longer flies off the handle
when people use female pronouns. While she believes in God, her self-esteem remains fragile, so
she is still clinging to her trans identity.
Maybe you’re reading this feeling guilty about parenting because a child of yours didn’t “turn
out right.” You did the best you could. But you have yet to experience the satisfaction of seeing
your child succeed in life in the most important ways. Before you start feeling bad, remember
that God was the perfect parent to the Israelites and most of them were pretty messed up. Forging
idols, marrying foreigners who sacrificed children to deities, whining about everything 24/7. Did
God make a mistake? I don’t think so.
I believe God is using this dark valley to strengthen our relationship with our child and our trust
in Him. He provides all the support and love we need to stay calm and carry on. At a Christian
conference in 2022, I attended a seminar on disappointment in parenting. Parenting certainly
wasn’t working out as I had hoped. Why do our kids keep shooting themselves in the foot,
making stupid choices, and causing us grief? It’s depressing and frustrating. The speaker quoted
Romans 8:28 and said the following, pertaining to believers: “God only writes good stories, and
if your story’s not good yet, it’s not finished.”